… And How to Make Them Easier

Hi beautiful! Welcome to my blog, where Happiness is Habit! 🌟

Have you ever found yourself wondering, "Why does making (and keeping) female friendships feel so much harder now than it used to?"

We are in the same boat here!

Recently, I listened to a beautiful episode from Mel Robbins called “It’s Not You: The Real Reason Adult Friendship Is So Hard & 3 Ways to Make It Easier” — and honestly, it hit home in so many ways. It felt like she was putting words to something so many of us women have quietly struggled with.

Today, I want to walk you through the core insights she shared — and how we, as women, can start seeing our friendships with a lot more compassion, realism, and hope.

Ready?? Let’s begin! 🚀

First: It's Not (All) Your Fault

One of the biggest takeaways is this simple but powerful truth:

👉 If you’re finding it hard to make or maintain female friendships as an adult, you’re not broken.

Life changes.

We’re not surrounded by classmates or after-school sports anymore. We’re navigating careers, families, relationships, caregiving — sometimes all at once.

And because women are often socialized to be the emotional anchors in their homes and communities, it can feel even heavier when we struggle to sustain our personal friendships.

Friendships no longer fit into built-in routines — they need to be intentionally created and nurtured.

And that can feel really vulnerable sometimes — especially when no one ever taught us how to manage the complexities that come with adulthood.

The Hidden Expectations We Carry

One of the most tender (and often invisible) obstacles in female friendships is the silent expectations we carry in our hearts — often without even realizing it.

As women, many of us grow up absorbing stories about friendship that are beautiful but sometimes unrealistic:

"A true friend should always know when something’s wrong."
"If she really cared, she would make time no matter what."
"If we’re close, we should pick up right where we left off — instantly and effortlessly."

At their root, these expectations come from a beautiful place:

💛 A longing for connection.

💛 A desire to be seen, loved, and prioritized.

But the reality is, life isn't lived inside a movie montage.

When these silent expectations go unspoken, they often become silent measuring sticks we use without meaning to:

She didn’t reply right away — maybe she doesn’t value me.
She canceled plans again — maybe I’m not important to her.
She didn’t remember that big thing in my life — maybe we’re not as close as I thought.

And the truth?

Most of the time, it's not about how much your friend cares.

It’s about how full her plate is.

It’s about how life sometimes sweeps us up in tides we didn’t plan for — sickness, divorce, work stress, parenting challenges, mental health struggles.

It’s not that we don’t care — it’s that sometimes we’re just surviving.

Remember:

✨ Connection requires clarity.

✨ Friendship requires conversation, not assumption.

Imagine if we could replace some of our hidden expectations with honest, kind conversations:

Instead of "She should know I'm upset," we say:
➡️ "I've been feeling a little off lately — can I talk to you about it?"
Instead of "If I mattered, she would call," we say:
➡️ "I miss hearing your voice. Could we plan a call soon?"
Instead of silently withdrawing when we feel forgotten, we could say:
➡️ "Life has been pulling us in different directions, but I really value our friendship. I'd love to reconnect."

This kind of brave communication creates space for love to stay alive — even through busy seasons, misunderstandings, or distance.

One of the most healing things we can do as women is to offer each other grace.

Grace for the forgotten texts.

Grace for the rescheduled plans.

Grace for the moments when life got messy and the friendship didn’t look perfect — but the love was always there.

True friendship isn’t about perfect performance. It’s about imperfect people choosing to stay tender with each other.

Female Friendships Naturally Evolve (And That's Okay)

Another important message: Female friendships have seasons.

You might have shared everything with a close friend at one point — daily texts, late-night calls, endless support.

But then... life shifted.

One of you moved away, had a child, started a demanding job, faced a health challenge.

This evolution doesn't erase the beauty of the bond you shared: Change is not betrayal. Change is growth.

Holding space for friendships to ebb and flow — without clinging to how they “should” look — allows deeper, healthier love to stay or new friendships to emerge.

So... What Can We Actually Do?

Actually, we have three practical tools to help women build and sustain strong friendships, even in the messy, busy seasons of life.

1. Be Brave Enough to Go First

If you think about a friend and smile, let her know.

You don’t have to wait to be chosen. You can choose.

If you miss someone, tell her.

If you want more connection, invite her.

Women are often taught to wait, to be polite, to not be “too much.”

But building rich friendships means daring to be the first to reach out — even when it feels a little scary.

2. Communicate Openly About What You Need

Many women are nurturers by nature — and we often pour into others without asking for what we need back.

Healthy female friendships are built on mutual care.

It’s powerful to say:

➡️ "I’d love to see you more — can we plan regular coffee dates?"

➡️ "I’m in a busy season right now — I might not be super responsive, but I still care deeply about you."

Clear communication prevents hurt feelings and unmet expectations.

3. Allow Your Friendships to Breathe

Not every friend will be your everything friend — and that’s a good thing.

You can have a friend who makes you laugh till you cry, another who shares your passion for health and growth, another who feels like home when you need comfort.

✨ Let your friendships be diverse, dynamic, and real — instead of chasing perfection.

A Loving Reminder for All Women

If you’re feeling lonely or disconnected in your friendships right now, please know:

It doesn’t mean you’re failing.

It doesn’t mean you’re too busy or too sensitive.

You are worthy of deep, loyal, soul-filling friendships.

It means you’re human — living through one of the most complicated, beautiful, overwhelming chapters of your life.

You are worthy of deep, loyal, soul-filling friendships.

And it’s never too late to build them — one small, brave step at a time. 💛

💌 Before you go...

Feeling seen when it comes to friendships — and your deeper emotional health — is so important.

Relationships are part of our Primary Food — they feed our soul just as much as real food feeds our body.

If this topic touched something inside you, maybe it’s time to explore it further, together.

In my Health Coaching Sessions, we dive into the habits, thoughts, and emotional connections that build a truly nourished life — inside and out.

💬 Whether you’re craving stronger friendships, deeper self-trust, or healthier daily habits, this work starts by taking care of you.

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Curious to learn more? Let’s talk about it. WhatsApp me!

Lots of love.

Helena🌸

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🌿 PS: If you want to see what tools I use to support my healthy routines, check out my curated list here — including my favorite Ringana products. No pressure, just love!